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Hyrum Medical Clinic

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26 W Main St, Hyrum, UT 84319

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3935 N 75 W, Hyde Park, UT 84318

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North Cache Valley Clinic Physical Therapy

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4088 US-91, Hyde Park, UT 84318

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Coral Canyon Joint & Spine Health

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Southwest Spine & Pain Center

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Hope Rising Detox and Rehab

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Family Healthcare – Hurricane Medical Clinic

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Paul W. Dawson, LCSW

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1387 W 1800 N, Clinton, UT 84015

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UNI Mental Health Mood Disorders Clinic

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515 Colorow Way, Salt Lake City, UT 84108

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AMCE Physicians Group

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Hooper, UT 84315

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Heritage Counseling, PLLC

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Wellness Mindset L.L.C.

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4646 S 3500 W #2, West Haven, UT 84401

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Abundant Life Social Services

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2733 S Bluff Rd, Syracuse, UT 84075

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Holladay Clinic Pediatrics

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Pompa Janiece L PhD

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4505 Wasatch Blvd, Salt Lake City, UT 84124

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Arner Wayne H

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5800 Highland Dr., Salt Lake City, UT 84121

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Hunt Linda R

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4460 S Highland Dr # 100, Salt Lake City, UT 84124

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Kent Kravitz, LCSW

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3090 East 3300 South, Suite #2B, Salt Lake City, UT 84109

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Holladay Clinic Internal Medicine

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4505 Wasatch Blvd E #210, Salt Lake City, UT 84124

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A Toolbox of Character Strengths to Face Adversity
experiencementalwellness@gmail.com

A Toolbox of Character Strengths to Face Adversity

2012 was the year that my life changed. It took just a few seconds. My car was on black ice when I was driving to work after a week of being with my family. A larger truck then hit me. At first, I thought it would be a terrible day to die. However, I quickly changed my mind after thinking about my 16-month old boy. Although the accident didn't kill me, it rendered me paraplegic below my armpits and to my toes. I would no longer feel any sensations or be capable of moving any muscle in more that three-quarters my body. This left me with the daunting task of learning more about this foreign mind and raising a child who was rambunctious in a completely different way.   Although the first few years were difficult, I was unable to stop in this constant motion without doubts and debilitating thoughts. I should have let myself die—everyone would have been better off. I kept going, as stopping would mean being engulfed in the biggest tsunami I had ever faced. I thought I was doing a great job keeping my mental illness under control, but a massive reorganization at work made me feel like I had lost everything. I couldn't cope. Five years later, everything was falling apart, the dam had burst and the tsunami was heading our way, causing complete destruction.  More than Granola Following were a series diagnosis and years of weekly therapy. YEARS. Some improvement was made, but not enough to allow me to take on all roles in my daily life. I felt like a clown who juggles. I felt the pressure to keep all the balls in the air, and failed severely. I realized that my life was meant to be lived in constant sadness, dissatisfaction and despair.  Until then, I didn't know anything about positive psychology or character strengths. Positive psychology hadn’t yet been widely studied when I did my doctoral work in psychology. And to be fair, when I first heard about it, I wondered whether it wasn’t that far off from eating granola and wearing flowers in your hair. It's amazing how scientific it could be. However, I was intrigued by the topic and, because I have a strong ability research and learn new things, I was able complete the work.  What I discovered literally changed my life.  Tools in Our Toolbox Character strengths are like our tools in our toolbox. They are always available to us when we need them. It doesn't matter if you use it daily or if you only use it occasionally. Some tools might be more familiar than others, but you can learn how to use other tools if you want. Sometimes you can use one tool to make the other more efficient. For instance, a screwdriver and an hammer can be used to open a gallon worth of paint.  The more I learned about character strengths, the more the narration of my life’s recording changed. I first learned that Love is more than an emotion. It is also a character strength—my top signature strength, as a matter of fact. I learned that the Love of Learning exists and is a signature strength.  It was my realization that I was more than just a passive victim in a dramatic incident that liberated me from the suffering. I actually had some control over the events of that fateful day.  First, Love had saved me, as I thought of my beautiful, blond, curly-haired baby boy waiting for me at my parents’ cottage. I had wanted to live to be there for him, so he wouldn’t be an orphan. Upon awakening in the car after the accident, and realizing something had gone really wrong, I had shown Curiosity by thoroughly examining what senses and limbs were responsive or not. This had helped me determine that I couldn’t feel or move either my legs or my arms. I had used my less often activated strength Spirituality to summon the strength to ask for my arms again instead of panicking. My strength of Prudence stopped me from moving around which could have caused more permanent damage. I was grateful for the first responders, and hopeful that I would be okay to raise my son.  Pulling Focus The character strengths vocabulary helped me to focus on something else than my diagnoses. My focus shifted to what I can do and what makes my strong. This was exactly what I needed. It reminded of my ability to be resilient in the face of adversity, as I had done in the past. Recognizing my strengths as a person gave me a new perspective and a focus. I didn’t have to reinvent myself, which was a relief. I was able to use my strengths to make purposeful decisions, even though my goals were modest at first.  I was able to keep my head up and take small steps towards greater heights. When doubts, fears, and despair would start to creep in, I knew that I could close my eyes and remind my mind to be mindful and practice appreciation of the wind on the face and the warmth from the sun on the skin. Those moments gave me calm and enabled me to face my fears head-on. Marjorie speaks on how character strengths helped change her narrative in facing adversity on Tuesday, June 28, 12:00–1:00 pm ET, as part of the online WBI/JCC Positive Psychology Hour series. Register here.
Where People Pleasing Comes From
experiencementalwellness@gmail.com

Where People Pleasing Comes From

People pleasing is not a flaw in personality. It is a way to cope with trauma and/or stress. In this way, people-pleasing may look like who you are, but it’s actually something you learned to do. That’s because we are wired to automatically protect ourselves in different ways. Pleasing (or “fawning”) is now recognized as one of four trauma responses (i.e., fight, flight, freeze, and fawn). According to Peter Walker, licensed psychologist and expert in complex trauma, “Fawn types seek safety by merging with the wishes, needs, and demands of others.” Since pleasing is at first an automatic response, this protective strategy starts mostly outside our awareness. It becomes our default strategy for protecting ourselves emotionally and relationally when we feel unsafe. Or, we learn flexibility and the ability to choose other responses. It is natural that you will want to agree or please with anyone you feel threatened by. This is especially true until you are able to get some space. If this is how you handle everything, it will eventually lead to a decline in your happiness, physical health, and relationship satisfaction. Pleasing can be a difficult response to change, as it is often reinforced culturally and socially in the home, in the workplace, and in education systems. What starts as you trying to make others happy, keep the peace, or earn others’ approval, is usually encouraged and conditioned as the right and best thing to do. If you're ready for more freedom from the automatic response and greater flexibility in how to respond to difficult situations, read on. We will work together to discover the ways that the pleasing strategy can be activated in you. Experiences that Can Reactivate the People-Pleaser Response Which of these describes your life experience? (It could be one or more.) Experiencing GewaltA parent, caregiver, partner It is possible to have an Emotionally unavailableParent Being in a relationship is a great way to meet someone. Narcissistic parent or partner Growing up in a family who avoided Conflictor were involved in a lot conflict Growing up with a persistently ill parent or relative, Issues relating to mental and/or physical well-being Being a part of or experiencing a group of people who experience it Exclusion, racism, and discrimination are all possible Each of these situations creates an environment that is not conducive to feeling safe saying no, disagreeing, and being different. You have two options when it comes to coping with these situations: you can either try to be invisible, keep the peace or prioritize the needs and wants of others. Whew! Take a deep breath. Acknowledging what you didn’t receive growing up or in your adult relationships can bring up grief, anger, and hurt. Give yourself compassion and understanding for not receiving what your needs were. Today is the beginning of your journey to learn how to give yourself the best you can. Your strategy of choice is to find happiness after people are pleased Despite the fact that it can sometimes feel impossible to get rid of this automatic response, there are still ways to overcome it. You may feel like you are alone if your parent is ill. You learned over time that it was better to be patient, not push the envelope, to listen to your parents and to support your family in any way possible. There is a good chance that you have been praised by your family or school for being the smart, strong, talented or intelligent one. No one, probably not even yourself, knew you needed more. Because it happened slowly, you may not have known that you were giving up your own dreams, needs, and beliefs. Then, you enter the workforce and/or relationship as an adult, and you are both praised for being such a hard worker and assigned more work when others don’t do their part. You take on more and more, absorbing what others don’t, both in terms of tasks and feeling responsible for others. You end up feeling burnt out, resentful, or unhappy. That’s when you start craving something different and recognizing that you have been ignoring what you need and want. You may even start to speak up, but are met with others’ reactions, anger, and guilt. You may find that you need support from someone else than the one you have. Working with a counselor, therapist or trauma-informed coach is a great way to help. It can provide a safe space for you to process your feelings, practice new responses and determine what is working for you. You may decide to liberate yourself from roles you’ve had in your family and/or relationship for most of your life. Even though you may experience loss or conflict, asking for help can help you maintain your connection with yourself and what you want. The more you connect with yourself and what’s best for you, the more choices you can find. When pleasing is less your go-to, it becomes more of a choice and one of many possible responses. I’d love to hear how this lands for you. What was the biggest takeaway, or a-ha? Here are some additional resources courtesy of the GoodTherapy Psychology Encyclopedia: Trauma Narcissism Mental Illness Abuse You might find the GoodTherapy Registry helpful. There are thousands of Therapists on our site who would love to be there for you. Get the support you need now. Marci Payne MA, LPC, is a A licensed therapistMissouri Coach for self-love globally. She assists ambitious adults with past hurts, perfectionistism, and people-pleasing issues so they can be themselves. Receive her free “Emotion Self-Care Guidelines” and begin listening and giving yourself what you need too, even when others don’t. © Copyright 2022 GoodTherapy.org. All rights reserved. The author of the preceding article wrote it entirely. GoodTherapy.org does not necessarily agree with the views or opinions expressed. You can reach the author with any questions or concerns regarding the article or post a comment below.
Finding Your Path for Positivity
experiencementalwellness@gmail.com

Finding Your Path for Positivity

After finishing my Certificate in Wholebeing Positive Psychology with WBI in 2014, I was excited to start sharing the life-changing content I’d been learning. I was also trying implement all the great insights into my life. It was almost a year later when I came up with a framework to make Positive Psychology easier to teach and use. I call it The Path for PositivityTM. It summarizes five key concepts which help me understand and apply my learnings. 1. Understand why it’s hard to be positive when our survival instinct naturally focuses on problems and dangers. I believe that learning how our survival instinct works helps us understand why it’s so easy to get stuck in negative thinking. It’s a natural part of our biology and a universal struggle (although more for some people than others). Once we recognize this, we can look for solutions. 2. Realize we can change our thinking and take advantage of our neuroplasticity. It’s only been in the past 20 years or so that science has begun to more fully recognize the power of neuroplasticity. There is real hope that we can physically and functionally modify our brains to improve our thinking. It's possible to see more positive things in our relationships, work, and personal lives. 3. Improve our ability to manage our thoughts and our saboteurs. The ultimate goal in all of this is to better manage our thoughts so we spend more time with thoughts that serve us instead of those that are working against us. It’s easy to get stuck focusing on past, present, and future stresses. Soon, we could be in a downward spiral that can take our happiness, our lives, and our health. 4. Use practice tools to make it easier We need to change our thinking. Now there are studies that have looked at different strategies and tools that can make this shift easier. Research supports the idea of focusing on gratitude—looking for three good things in your day, nurturing your social network, and many others. These are easy things that can be incorporated into busy lives. 5. Find ways to remind yourself that you have a choice. We are so busy! How can we possibly stop thinking? There are so many distractions, so many things to do. That’s where the last step comes in. We need tips and tricks to remind us that we have a choice. Here are a few that you might like to try. Do you have a password that you use every day? You might try an acronym or word that is associated with a positive emotion, experience, or thought. IAG4MVSH could stand for “I am grateful for my very supportive husband.” Or try a simple phrase like “Peace4All.” It could be the first letter of each word in the title of your favorite song. A phrase that brings back a fond memory could be used. You get the idea. What about using one of your favorite photos of a happy moment as the background for your device or on your desk? I also love to place positive words and quotes on my desk, in my car, and on my bathroom mirror. Do you find that your phone's ringtone triggers happy feelings or memories? With today’s technology, we can have our favorite uplifting song at our fingertips.  We don’t need help noticing or remembering the unhappy happenings around us, but we can add positive reminders to help us find a better balance. This post was reprinted with permission from Tina’s website, thepositiveedge.net.

SPONSORED BY: Experience Mental Wellness, LLC